at least roseanne knew the words

health care reform - how to do it

I have a very simple solution for the present health care crisis. It's so simple, I don't know why anyone hasn't thought of it sooner. Perhaps the reason the big shots that rule the world haven't done something is because they were only thinking of themselves and not the little people who don't have their very own private medical staff to look over every bump and anal polyp they come across.

The solution to the health care crisis is simply to print up a trillion dollars and throw it at the health care professionals to take care of the little peoples bumps and anal polyps. This trillion dollars can be put in a big safe in The Department of Health and every time someone goes to the hospital or doctors office or gets a prescription, the bill goes directly to the Department of Health and is instantly paid in full. To keep this safe full of cash, the Department of Health can invest it in derivatives and credit default swaps, and high yield stocks like Chrysler, General Motors and A.I.G. This is such a sure-fire plan that every government worker, i.e., congressmen, senator, civil servant, will have all their health care from this fund.

What's so hard about that, Barry?

an apology

Two weeks ago the weatherman said we would have relentless rain for the weekend. Since we were going to party that Sunday I had to do something, so the Thursday before, I set up the cloudbuster to earth battery and ground water, and pointed it south to stimulate the skies to make it rain. The idea was to get the water out of the sky so the weekend would be a bit drier.
Although the weatherman said Thursday and Friday would be dry, it turned out to be non-stop rain, turning the weathermen into the biggest liars since they invented aluminum siding salesmen. The day before the party I unhooked the cloudbuster from groundwater and spun it facing north to chase away the front that was moving in.
My plan worked, and that weekend, instead of torrential downpours, we had only a few drops. Not near enough to dampen our revelry.

The problem came after the party. I forgot to move the cloudbuster. For two weeks straight, we had nothing but hazy, rainy, humid weather. Every day it was ugly, rainy, and too hot, and too cold at the same time. The whole month of June became the shittiest time of the year. Everyone complained, and all the weatherman could say was we would have more of the same for at least another week and maybe, just maybe, we might have a little sunshine next weekend, but don't hold your breath, because this crappy weather is all part of the global warming/climate change, and it's the price we pay for driving cars and flushing toilets...blah blah blah. Even the weatherman was starting to think this weather will be here to stay.

As I sat outside of work and watched the shitty clouds drift across the shitty sky, I couldn't help thinking, If I'm so full of myself that I can cure a rainy day, why can't I do something about this?

The problem was the cloudbuster was still pointing north. Maybe if I spin it around... Hell, anything is better than this!

So, I pointed it south, put the orgone shotgun in the front yard -- and a half hour later, the sky started moving. Not just moving, but barrel-assing across the sky with a heading of south-south-east. (Sorry, Philly.) The sky above all this shitty vapor was azure blue, with puffy, white clouds. It was as if the crappy, low-level shit clouds were all heading directly where my cloudbuster was pointing toward, and disappearing into blue sky.

I never saw anything like it. It was as if the sky was like one, big, toilet full of crap, and someone just flushed. As I look out my window, all I can see is blue sky and sunshine. June is back again!

The news will say the stalled, stale air was moved by a low-pressure front, pushing it south and out to sea.

I have a different theory. I believe by setting the cloudbuster to north and keeping it there, I set up my own orgone front blocking the air mass to the north. The clouds kept breaking up with no where to go, so it just fell in the form of precipitation, when the relative humidity approached 90%.

All I know is the weatherman said we would have more of the same crappy weather for the rest of the week. I'm beginning to think the weatherman is full of shit because, as you can see by this most recent pic, the skies are blue and full of sun for the first time in two weeks.

Anyway, I want to apologize to everyone in NEPA for all the crappy weather you all had to endure these past two weeks. Just because I don't care if it rains or shines is no reason to spoil everyone's outdoor plans.

Please take these words in earnest....

I'M SO SORRY.

Hey, that makes me feel so much better.
How about you?

robots can't act. pulp fiction

orgonite grips

The first thing I bought for my .45 was a Pachmayr grip. I later got a beaver tail safety, because I was tired of pinching hand flesh every time I fired it. The skeletalized hammer not only looks so cool but it came with the beaver tail.
I've been thinking about buying other things for this weapon like a skeletalized trigger, ambidextrous safety, extended slide release, and about 20 other items designed to make a 1911 even more accurate than government specs.
But then, I'd put this Norinco .45 up against any Wilson Combat 1911, as far as accuracy goes, for 1/50th the price.

Anyway... I thought it was time to do something nice for my gun so I got busy and made a set of orgonite grips. I know it seems to go against the orgone philosophy but what better way to bless a weapon that can blow a hole through something the size of a grapefruit than to adorn it with a nice set of customized, orgonite grips?

Each grip is embedded with a quartz crystal and several fluorite crystals in a matrix of clear resin and shaved brass.

Fluorite is said to absorb and neutralize negative vibrations. It makes one more receptive to the vibrations of other stones. Fluorite should be kept in every room of the home. Fluorite is known as the "Genius Stone". It also increases concentration and helps in decision making.

Hmmmmm...... I should think anyone with a weapon in his hand should have good decision making skills and high concentration so you can shoot the bad guys and not the good guys, right? And if you're like some of the folks around here you'll have one of these little beauties in every room of the house to increase your concentration and decision making when uninvited guests decide to drop by at 3am.

I'm surprised Smith & Wesson doesn't have a whole line of orgonite grips and stocks for all the reptoid hunters out there. I wonder if there's a crystal that will improve common sense to make grips for all the fed swat teams and local doughnut munchers?

Now tell me, isn't that the most beautiful piece of orgonite self-protection you ever saw? The pics don't do justice to this piece. The clear resin gives it a 3D look making the embedded stones seem to float, and it just feels good in your hand. So superior to the rubber feel of the old Pachmayr. I can't wait to rock 'n roll with this baby tomorrow.

Looks like I'll be shopping for an ambidextrous extended slide release and a new holster for non-concealed carry next week. No sense in hiding this beauty.

I wonder what I can do with the 12 gauge?

Ask A Nigger: Why Do Niggers Like Chicken?

Maybe it's genetics but it's not just chickn n` corn bread our soul brothers jet bizzawz over. I remember uh tyme I wuz in Orlando an' stopped at uh local soul chickn n` corn bread 'n cornbread eatery, somewhat off da beaten tourist path. We walked in an' over da counter wuz pictures o' da menu, just like Mickey D's. There wuz chittlins, corn on da cob, watermellon, fried chickn n` corn bread, an' every other stereotypical afro chickn n` corn bread 'n cornbread ya could th'o't o'. It wasn't too long 'bfoe we's came ta da realization dat da stereotype wuz right. Black folks DO love dis here sheeit! At dat moment, I noticed da two niggas behind da counter laughing like hell at da two whiteys wearing Hawaiian shirts.
At dat moment, I realized uh truth wuz revealed ta da four o' us about each other an' we's all laughed at da silliness o' da shit.

BTW, it wuz da bomb corn on da cob an' fried chickn n` corn bread I ever had. Ya' dig?