obama jokes

The liberals are asking us to give Obama more time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. Leno 

America needs Obama-Care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. Leno      

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?

 A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. Conan O'Brien

    

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?     

A: A fund raiser. Leno

     

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?     

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. Letterman

    

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?     

A:   America !  Fallon 

     

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?   

A: Bo has papers. Kimmel 

     

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?     

A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. Letterman

lies

"I think we are living in a world of lies: lies that don't even know they are lies, because they are the children and grandchildren of lies." ~ Chris Floyd

big balls trail bike ride

harry t

Harry Truman was a different kind of President.  He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 32 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence, Missouri. His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.
When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.
When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!
I say dig him up and clone him!

happiness

"If you observe a really happy man, you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi Desert.  He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that had rolled under the radiator, striving for it as a goal in itself.  He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of each day."

-W. Beran Wolfe

Greetings from Ontario

It's the little things that make the difference between the two cultures.
In the United States, we have rum and Dominican cigars.
In Canada, they have Cuban rum and Cuban cigars.
This difference is as black and white as it comes.
The United States is 90 miles from Cuba and we don't have any dealings with them what so ever.
The rest of the world, therefore, has dealings with Cuba.
What pisses me off more than anything, is that I can go anywhere in the world and get something that I can't get 90 miles from my own border, because of some stupid horseshit that happened in the early sixties.

I've just had the opportunity to drink the finest rum in the world and smoke the finest cigar in the world with the finest babe in the world, and it pisses me off that nobody else can have such a luxury because they have to take their shoes off to prove that they're not Al Qaida ( I don't believe Al Qaida exists...don't care if I've spelled it right... it's just a madeup piece of bullshit by the powers that be to create the boogeyman that the homeland security uses to force everybody to tow the line for Big Brother )

All I can say is that Cuban rum is the "tits", baby... in fact it's somewhere around a 38D ... which just happens to be the hooter size of the babe that I just spent 5 days with ! Said babe feels it's her duty and honour to provide me with the finest Cuban rum and Cuban cigars that an Ami could possibly imagine !
One could also point out that Canadian beer is far superior than anything that Anhauser-Busch could ever conceive.

I plan on staying here for the rest of my life !

Close friends and relatives are welcome to visit...
Call first !

a day like rain

I saw a movie the other day called "A day Like Rain" which featured a teenage girl living in California suburbia who devises a metaphysical experiment designed to save the world from what she sees as an impending doom.

In this particular scene, Gena tells her friend Jennifer... 
“There’s no going back.  Everything else has been tried before and we need to do something different.  We have to take this all the way,”

What I find interesting about  the something different Gena talks about is orgonite and the nicest crystals I've ever seen.  Take a look at all that stuff on her table and you'll see an HHG, a bunch or crystals, a few coils, several TB's and a copper piped CB.  It looks like a less-messy version of my own workshop.  The only things missing are giant succor punches and an orgone accumulator.

I don't expect you to go out and see this flick, and if you did you'd most likely get lost in the endless stream of quantum questions answered with more unanswered questions. (most folks are incapable of interpreting plot lines unless it's spelled out to them)
It's like it's obnoxious because it's asking for something.  How can you love something if you don't know what it is?
But in case you have some free time and a little curiosity you can see it here.

not enough to go around?

What you see to the left is a picture of copper at the sub micron level using an electron microscope.
You wouldn't think of metal as a crystalline substance, but there it is.

We were all taught that all the metals on this planet collected at various strata, depending on how heavy it was compared to the substances around it, soon after the Earth cooled. 

As I look at these geometric shapes, Bucky Fuller comes to mind, as well as geodesic domes, soccer balls, pentagons, and crystal gardens.

What also comes to mind is crystals grow and if copper is a crystalline substance then it stands to reason that copper grows, as well.  In other words, it's a renewable substance just like Christmas trees, mold, little green apples, and everything else on this planet.

Is it just me or does anyone else think if copper is a crystalline substance and if all crystalline substances grow, is it likely that other metals could also be renewable resources as well?  It kinda throws the whole scarcity thing right out the window, doesn't it?

Scarcity is the major tool used by the powers that be to ensure the elite 2% of humanity have it all.
The concept goes like this ... If there is not enough to go around, it stands to reason the elite should have the lions share while the masses get to fight over the table scraps.

This concept isn't just wrong, it's inhuman to stifle human growth just because the guys at the top want the whole ball of wax.  We're stuck in this fossil fuel consumption cycle because the Saudis buy the debt we rack up for our endless wars to keep the economy going in an endless downward spiral.  Besides, every single thing on this planet is renewable, including supermarket plastic bags and congressional manure.

Would we really be better off choosing paper over plastic or is it just an illusion? 

hell explained by a chemistry student

The following is an actual question given on University of Arizona chemistry mid term.  

 

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:  

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?  

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.  

 One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.  

 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
 

This gives two possibilities: 
 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 
 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. 
 

So which is it? 
 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting

'Oh my God.'  

 THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

fastest production car in the world

The Bugatti Veyron 16.4 is currently the fastest, most powerful, and most expensive street-legal full production car in the world, with a proven top speed of over 400 km/h (407.5 km/h or 253.2 mph), though several faster or more expensive vehicles have been produced on a limited basis.



Given the choice, why would anyone prefer a Mercedes?

$1100 one ounce gold coin for $50

the end of the world

Major Slut Spill

VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

flight 1549 3D reconstruction

we're all white

When I was out with friends last night, I never expected this kind of snow deposit.  The last couple days everyone was talking about how much snow we'll get and if they have enough milk, eggs, and bread to sustain them from the Donner ordeal that awaits them, as if french toast is the survival food of the millennium.

I gotta admit, we got a lot of snow and I didn't even bother trying to dig out.  My driveway is a half mile of snow a foot deep.  Getting out is no problem, thanks to gravity, but getting back up the hill might make me kick myself for even fantasizing about joy riding in this stuff.

I can't complain.  After all, it's February in the great north east and if ya can't deal with a little snow, you're living in the wrong place.
Makes me wish I was snowbound in a Canadian lodge with a beautiful canuck, a warm fireplace, and a cask of wine.  Ah...  winter!  Don't ya love it?

wisdom for the day

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

what have they done to my son?

thank you wwf (not world wrestling federation, either)

I find this poster extremely fascinating.  This is the first official poster I ever saw that proves the WWF, the World Wildlife Federation, a major player in the new world odor elite, acknowledges there actually are such things as planes producing chemtrails specifically to produce artificial clouds.

The translation:


The earth with artificial clouds to cooling, is a solution today would be?

Last week at work I was sitting outside watching planes making chemtrails in the sky in a typical criss-cross pattern, turning a beautiful, blue sky into a grey, ugly mess.  As people walked by I asked them what they thought of the new clouds forming and every one of these people didn't even notice the criss-cross pattern of newly formed chemtrails.  In fact, none of these people even heard of this sort of thing happening.  I then informed them that they can look forward to upper respiratory problems in a week or so, due to these artificial clouds.



Yesterday, a friend of mine claimed she was hacking and coughing for two days and couldn't understand why.  She's a non-smoker and was always in great health.  When I told her about the chemtrails I saw last week she just laughed like it was some kind of joke and covered her mouth to cough.

health care reform. a real solution we can all live with.

I have a solid solution to our health care problem.
Both houses of congress are butting heads about health care reform and can't seem to come to an agreement. The house plan calls for a cost of a trillion dollars and the senate plan costs a couple billion less and Barry O just wants it done. All involved in the decision making agree the insurance companies should remain in place and everyone, except the tax payers, want the tax payers to pay for it. Most tax payers don't want it because they already have insurance if they need it and don't want to pay more and those who don't have insurance don't have it by choice.

As I said, I have a solution.

If the federal government wants us to have health care, no matter what, why don't we have health care based on a model that works?

Congress has an excellent health care system. If they get sick or develop a polyp or need an operation or some kind of transplant or dental work they just go to the health care professional and get it done. They never receive a bill or get turned away and are treated by top notch professionals, experts in their field, the cream of the crop. Why not have a national health care system based on this model?

So, who pays for it?

Simple. The same people who pay for congresses health care bills... The federal government. If the feds insist on this nanny state they're shoving down our throats, let the nanny pay the bills.

Here's a scenario...

You get sick and go to your health care professional and whatever you have or how much it may cost is totally irrelevant. You simply get it fixed and the health care professional sends the bill to the federal government. It doesn't matter HOW it's paid. All that matters is it's paid and that, as we say, is that. If any problems arise, let the hospital deal with it. Let the hospital fight with the insurance companies and the feds but keep us out of the picture. We did our part by getting treated. It's up to someone else to worry about paying the bill.

Does congress worry about who pays for their health insurance? Hell no! In congress they spend money like water. If they can give trillions to any major corporation who asks for it they can surely pay for our drugs and hospital bills. It's chump change for the fed. Compared to the cost for starting a war every two years, health care costs are peanuts.

And while we're on the subject... Why don't we save even more worry and retire with the same system congress has? If you retire from congress you get an annual retirement rate equal to the pay you received as a working congressman for the rest of your life. The only way that pay check changes is when congress votes themselves another raise.

It's useless to expect congress to pay their own medical bills and provide for their own retirement because they have a great plan and won't change it for anything.

For once, I totally agree with congress.

Jesus I will survive

Don't worry. He'll be back.