New year, new life, new view.

A thought came to me today about new years resolutions. I don't believe in them because you're usually just setting yourself up for a fall. You know the deal. You come up with a list of resolutions like stop smoking, stop drinking, stop swearing, stop womanizing, stop doing drugs, workout 12 times a day, eat the right foods, get your nipples pierced... You pick your favorite resolution and after the ball drops you announce in fluent drunkenese your plans to become a better person by reducing the joys in your life and fly a steady course to Jack LaLanne fitness. After 2 days of cold turkey the only thing you can think of is smoking a pack of cigarettes with your favorite bottle of rum with crack whores at McDonald's.

Well, I set my sights on a different horizon this year. I decided my new years resolution is to become a hobbit. I'll go to bed late, wake up late, eat many meals throughout the day and take lots of breaks. I'll live in an underground hobbit house with round doors and a fireplace for heat and make my own cheese, wine, and bread. I'll make music, create art and play in the garden. All my hobbit friends will come around and we'll party in my hobbit hot tub with some hobbit hotties and hot toddies. When my eleventy-first birthday comes around we'll all sing and dance and shoot off fireworks while everyone drinks alcoholic beverages out of ceramic mugs.

Or would you rather work out at the gym six nights a week?