weeding the garden

If you have anything to do with gardening, you can relate to the never ending weeding that it requires. Given the chance, weeds will over populate the garden and subdue anything you really want to grow. Left unchecked, this crabgrass, myrtle, and lambs quarters will entrench themselves into every corner of the garden until all that's left is noxious weeds that even the bugs won't eat. Say bye bye to your tomatoes and rhubarb and hello to poison ivy.

Your life is just like a garden. Given the space, you can grow and flourish and produce enough to feed a small army. As your arms reach to the cosmos in a balanced symphony of photosynthesis and Earth nutrients, you can't help but evolve to a state of total spiritual perfection.

And then the weeds set in...

By weeds, I mean the parasitic detritus in your life. Those useless eaters who feed off your soul like fleas feed on a dog. You can pull them out but leave their head under your skin and they come back with a vengeance. It's like an old, psychotic girl friend who "accidentally" leaves her hairbrush or ear rings as a reason to come back because she just hasn't sucked enough of your life force and, just like Dracula's daughter, she needs to feed from time to time. You might think an old girl friend won't be that bad but think again... She's not an EX- girl friend for nothing. There was a major reason why you got rid of her in the past, and just like a weed, the genetic structure doesn't change. It doesn't matter how much time passes... a toxic plant like poison ivy will never become a blueberry bush. If she was psychotic then, and you know she wasn't undergoing therapy, the chances are really good she's psychotic now and she's hungrier than ever.

One look in my garden and I immediately saw the connection between dead-weight people and weeds. They both suck you dry. They both use vital nutrients needed for your survival. They both over-stay their welcome. They both increase entropy. Look at what happens to your pepper plants if left untended. First the weeds creep in, followed closely by insect life and vermin, feeding off all the hard work you put into maintaining this little plot of land. The weeds could represent the unemployed drifters you allowed into your space. The next time they come around they bring some insects, i.e., felons, low-life's, reprobates, and degenerates, who feed off the contents of your refrigerator, pantry, and liquor supply like potato bugs on an eggplant. If left untended, the vermin show up with a squad car because one of the insects rolled over on you to keep from going to the bug house. And the financial loss is nothing compared to the spiritual stifling.

The first thing to do to prevent this infestation is to identify the weeds from the productive plants. It's pretty easy to spot, sometimes. The productive plants produce SOMETHING. The weeds just multiply and get in the way and wait for the bugs and vermin.

The second thing to do is get rid of them! Go through your life, as you would through a garden, and yank these parasites up by the roots and discard them to the compost heap.

Make a list of rules.
1. No sleepovers unless the host taps you on the shoulder.
2. Bring something besides yourselves.
3. Bring your own tobacco. There's a store 2 miles down the road. Walk if you have to.
4. Bring a vehicle to take you home.
5. If the booze runs out it's your fault. Get some more or do without.

These rules can be added to when situations present themselves but think twice about deleting any.


Just because you like honey is no reason to stick your head in the bees nest.