exxon valdez

Long story short...  My beloved '94 caravan threw a rod, permanently reducing its engine to scrap.  I had only two days to find a replacement vehicle, and Obamas cash for clunkers program all but eliminated the $200 sliders that used to be the mainstay of the American worker when his regular car took a shit.

There was a time when cars were like bic lighters.  When your car ran out of juice you could always find another before the sun set and if it lasted a month you were ahead of the curve.  Run it til it dies, pull the tags, and find another before the notary goes to bed.

Yesterday's $200 sliders have been replaced by $2,000 cars that make noises if you don't fasten your seat belts.  And you call this good for the economy?  I call it an extra squeeze of the collective bovine teat. 

I feel we lost the romance of the American car when we permanently lost our vintage autos in favor of a highway system full of shinny Japanese cars, with as much personality as a toaster, and a payment book that will last as long as the car.  At least the cash for clunker program took 90% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

Anyway, I found this beast, a '99 Ford Excursion, in a downtown back alley after looking at every car on Craig's list.  The very next day the price of gas jumped to $3.00 a gallon, but I was committed and decided to make the best of it, even though it was a Ford.  The Sierra Club gave it the Exxon Valdez award when it first came out because of it's horrendous gas mileage, but I have to admit, it's a damn good machine if you live in snow and ice country.  Winter conditions aren't an issue with three ranges of 4WD, overdrive, heat and A/C with front and rear controls, limousine tinted windows, 17" wheels, 5.4 L engine, and 4 tons curb weight on a heavy duty truck frame that can drive over a Toyota without scratching the bumper.  In this month alone it's got my ass out of jams by driving through stuff that my Jeep couldn't handle.  The only thing that irritates me, besides the gas mileage, is the four catalytic converters and four O2 sensors.  I mean, WTF is all that about?  I'll tell ya what it's about.  The only reason the two rear O2 sensors exist is to make sure you have all four cats operational so you can buy four times as many parts to keep it running.  Maybe that's why Ford is the only big American car company that didn't need a bailout. 

Ya know....  I'd give up every whistle and bell on any of these shinny pieces of high tech crap for my '68 Dodge 318 sportsman van that got 22mpg in town with NO catalytic converters, computers, or O2 sensors. But vintage cars are now as scarce as honest Washington politicians.

Thanks Barry O.