liberal lessons

A simple guide on how to be a liberal. 


Step 1. Understand that you're far more intelligent than anybody else. There is no need to back up your arguments with any facts.

Step 2. Realize that there are no consequences for any of your actions in the real world. Legalize all drugs? Sure what could go wrong.

Step 3. Use the words homophobic and bigot as much as possible. Anyone that disagrees with you on hot topic issues like abortion or same sex marriage is obviously devoid of any humanity and should be killed. (even though you're against the death penalty of course)

Step 4. Know that anything bad that happens is Bush's fault. Or has something to do with republicans.

Step 5. Euphemisms are your friend. You're not pro abortion. That sounds terrible. You're pro choice. Again you're not for gay marriage you're for equal rights.

Step 6.  Remember that Obama is undoubtedly the best leader the world has ever seen. And anyone who doesn't agree is clearly a racist.

Step 7. Call people racist as much as possible.

Step 8. Know that People who hold any religious beliefs whatsoever are obviously mentally inferior.

Step 9. Never take responsibility or admit that anything is ever your fault. You're too important to worry about something like that. Just pass if off to the next guy and let him deal with it. Besides it was probably Bush's fault anyway. (see step 4)

Step 12. Be as progressive as possible.

Step 13. Win arguments with distractions or confusion. (see step 10)

Step 14. Show how open minded you are by telling other people how dumb their ideas are. 

Step 15. Get your political opinions from famous people in Hollywood. 

Step 16. Accuse people of hate speech and then proceed to tell them how much you hate them for it. Because it's ok to tell someone that hates someone else how much you hate them for hating other people.

Step 17. Win political debates by pointing out something as irrelevant to the conversation as bad grammar or slavery. (see step 7)

By following these simple steps you'll be able to call yourself a proud liberal in no time.