The Presidential Lottery

There's talk of getting a new U.S. president soon. Hilary is getting ready to make a fool of herself and every other potential candidate is chomping at the bit. All will say they are the best for the country, they represent your interests, and you should vote for them in November. This next presidential election will be a colorfully, monochromatic one for sure. Obama is white on the inside and black on the outside and Hilary is white on the outside and black on the inside. Giuliani, Richardson, Edwards, McCain, Romney, Biden........It's so confusing. It's selling toothpaste. Crest? Pepsodent? Preparation H?

First of all, anyone who wants to be president so bad that they'd kiss a million unwashed asses, live on a bus for a year, spend a fortune prostituting themselves to the highest bidder, and pretend they enjoy dropping their pants and exposing their genetically deformed, disease-ridden testicles to this endless ocean of slack-jawed voting rabble, like some demented used care salesman on an evangelistic, bad acid trip road show, is exactly the person you DON'T want in that position. The end result isn't getting the best man for the job but getting the lesser of two evils. We no longer vote for the best candidate but to keep that other waste of semen out. Ya call that democracy?

I have a better idea.

Let's do away with this system and start up a presidential lottery. Each district draws a slip of paper representing every voter in that district. One paper has a black dot on it. That's the candidate. All the districts then submit their black dots for the state drawing, where a state champion is chosen. On election night they can have all 50 state lottery winners assembled in one place for the presidential lottery, where one person is filtered from the whole country to represent the nation as The President.

Hilary and Obama will co-host the show. They can have witty banter like, "Obama, you misinformed negro" and "Hilary, you ignorant slut." They can have awe-inspiring acts like the Osmond and Brady Bunch Jello wrestling extravaganza and Billy Greenbush could sing God Bless America while all the living former presidents can take turns doing stand up comedy. Networks will scramble for this. The ad revenue alone will be enough to balance the budget. A 50 share rating, at least.

Of course, at each step the winner could always step down and allow a re-drawing, allowing someone else to take his place for the district or state. No one's going to force you to be president. After all, this a democracy of the people, by the people and for the people... or did I get that part wrong on my history test?

Isn't that what democracy is in it's purist form? Isn't democracy what we sell to the world as the best system on Earth? Isn't it about time we walk the walk instead of getting the same career politicians, election after election, doing the same insane things in the same insane way expecting different insane results with nothing to show for the effort but higher taxes, longer work hours, less pay, and more governmental intrusion?

Before you completely put this idea down maybe you should think back to all the insane ideas our past presidents came up with and how you said if you were in that position you'd do things differently. Well, here's your chance.