rage against the machine

To a coffee drinker, life is nonexistent when you wake up to a dead coffee machine. Life gets fucked up when you can't have your morning coffee. You start off with 2 left feet, one eye and half a brain. As Bob Richards says, what a way to start the day. It only takes a couple hours before the caffeine deprived headaches begin and it's downhill from there.
The point is, I want my caffeine now, the way I want it, ie, to taste good and give me a decent rush of adrenaline to propel me through the days events.
That didn't happen this morning. Mr. Fuckin Coffee took a dump right on my coffee nook before the first cup of cold sludge came oozing out. By nine o'clock I not only realized I forgot my socks but my shoes were on the wrong feet and my underwear was on the outside. How embarrassing. Does this ever happen to you?

I saw the light was on in Mr. Coffee but obviously, no one was home. I begged and pleaded with this infernal machine to do something. Please, just one cup. Comeonnnnnnn.......
JUST ONE FUCKIN CUP, DAMN YOU! I Knew it was hopeless. Pleading with a coffee maker is below pity. I then looked it straight in the carafe and said, "Look. Work properly or you will end up in the meadow with the rest of your planned obsolescing ilk."

After work I went out and got myself a brand new Hamilton Beech carafe-free coffee machine. What a cool piece of machinery! And what a great buzz! What a fuckin great buzz, pardon my french. What was I thinking, buying all those carafe-leaking, coffee-dribbling, essence-leaking pieces of Mr. Fuckin Coffee crap. I, too, was sucked into thinking I needed the originator of easy coffee making machines to make my life more pleasently easy. I admit, I was wrong. Mr. Coffee sucks. All their carafes leak, the coffee leaks out of the bottom, it tastes like shit, and they live on Joltin Joe's commercials, and he's been dead for years.

The bottom line is, all things manufactured now days is shit and will all end up in a landfill within a few years of purchase.

That's why I decided to have a party at my place as soon as it gets warm. Bring your coffee makers that took a dump, as well as other appliances that no longer serve your best interests, such as VCR's, cell phones, electric toothbrushes, computer monitors, electric shavers, alarm clocks, DVD players, computers... you get the picture.
Bring em all and we'll let you rage against the machines with your weapon of choice. You have your choice of calibres, shotgun gauges, black powder, thermite. Yes, we'll have thermite and we'll blow the shit out of all this stuff.

AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!

To be announced. Be there.