Tuesday, August 29, 2006

funky crap

I was just listening to classic rock on the radio (WHLM FM 103.5) when the DJ mentioned they play all the good stuff without any crap in between. Crap? This is the very same radio station that edited "shit" from Steve Miller's "Big Ol' Jet Airliner" so it sounded like "funky "kicks" goin' down in the city."

I suppose he was correct... no crap in between. No shit, dung, excrement, turds, scat, BM, fecal waste, defecation, or a hundred other words used to describe the bodily waste we all expel each morning on our evacuation thrones of choice since man produced biological waste. Granted, the radio station didn't actually "edit" shit. They merely chose to play the edited version available at all Walmarts for the overly sensitive ears of one half of one percent of the listening public who still refer to taking a piss as going for a tinkle.

I personally think replacing shit with kicks in Miller's tune changes the whole phrase to something completely different that Miller never wanted, otherwise, he'd make it that way. Shit was the word he wanted and needed but these no talent geeks see fit to change the expression because it might offend some prude in Bumfuck, Egypt. The least they can do is use a word similar to shit. "Funky "excrement" goin' down in the city." "Funky "dung" goin' down in the city." "Funky "BM" goin' down in the city." I don't know about you, but I sure get my kicks when I take a good shit. How 'bout you?


Dear President Bush:

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: "Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."

Any religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment to codify marriage on biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. (Gen.38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

Friday, August 25, 2006

just clowning around

Police arrest several people in clown robbery cases.
Three women and one man were arrested Wednesday in connection with a recent string of robberies committed by a duo dubbed the "clown robbers," officials announced Thursday.

I don't know about you but the fact that crooks are getting creative again fills me with hope and restores my faith a bit. Ok, so they steal but these clowns are robbing the businesses that rob from the very poor in the form of cashing checks for 50% interest. It makes me wonder if Robin Hood was a good guy or just another forest dwelling perloiner in tights.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

be positive

How to start your day with a positive attitude:

1. Create a "new folder" on your computer.
2. Name it "George W. Bush".
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your computer will ask you: "Do you really want to delete "George W. Bush"?
6. Calmly answer, "Yes", and press the mouse button firmly...