15 days

The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. The five stages of grief, i.e., denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, was described as a process that people go through when death is imminent. The end of a relationship is as devastating as the death of a close family member, therefor, the five stages of grief hold true when a relationship has ended.

Fifteen days ago, through a bizarre set of circumstances, my live-in girlfriend of three years packed her bags and left. Abrupt and final. The absolute death of a relationship as quick as a car accident with no possibility of reversal. The relationship may have been ill but it didn't go terminal until July 5, 2009, and one day later the plug was pulled, ceasing all life support.

I suppose I was in denial when it first happened. "I don't believe this. This can't be for real."
When it happened I had a semi-clear head and a distinct adrenalin rush that lasted all day, even though I woke up at 6am that morning and spent the day and night drinking with friends for the 4th. I wasn't angry but I was hurt. If you're hurt bad enough in a car accident you go into shock. Your mind becomes separated and distant and everything is disconnected. Your mind won't accept what happened and that's pretty much how I felt. Definitely, denial had reared its ugly head.

A few days later, as I was burning some leftover detritus she left behind, I suddenly became angry. I mean I was pissed off about how this woman, who caused so much hurt, was getting away so easily. That was only a small reason and the only reason I could rationalize as to why I was so angry. I then realized I was angry in a general sort of way and I was looking for reasons for my extreme emotional swing. Anger without a clear reason is frustrating and that made me even more pissed off. At least I wasn't depressed. That would be much worse.

A couple days later I was thinking of reasons why it all went down and the seriously crazy, life-altering, mega stupid decisions she made that put her in a situation that will mind-fuck her for the rest of her life, living with a dead-beat dad she doesn't even know who has no job, no car, no money, no education, and no prospects. She must have planned this, I thought. She must have been drunk and didn't know what she was doing. He must have seduced her by faking sensitivity and she gave in because he showed her he cared. WRONG! It wasn't planned and she wasn't that drunk. It was premeditated. I got through bargaining.

Depression hit this week. This is the one the almost dead dread. As I sat outside, watching the clouds drift by, I thought about things. It was hard to talk to people, but I did. I wasn't my jovial self. I was more quiet, slow, and thoughtful and ..... depressed. I was soooo down. No real reason for it but I recognized the symptoms. Not wanting to talk and didn't care to get cheered up. I was quieter and just didn't care about life, the universe, or anything. And then it hit me........... DEPRESSION! Yeah, baby! Only one more step to go and WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Acceptance is easy! Bring it on, baby! Get that depression going and let the healing begin. I'm not dead. Hell, man, my life has made a giant turn for the better and I aint lookin back. Gone are the days of "psychic flashes" from this woman who reads my mail for insight. No more drunken, late night arguements about how movies suck because "Hollywood has jetisoned their morally bankrupt souls" because now there aint a morally bankrupt soul in THIS house. At least I didn't fuck someone I don't even know behind her garage. I do wish her good health dealing with her hepatitis. I wonder if she told him yet? Probably not.
Anyway, this soul has emerged like a phoenix from the ashes and what's behind me is not in front of me.
Let the good times roll, baby!

ACCEPTANCE.