I need a new group of friends

I noticed some of these friends of mine tend to over-stay their welcomes. I'm not talking about someone who leaves just as you're going to bed, or someone who stays the night to sleep it off rather than try to drive home. I'm talking about a group of people who think it's acceptable behavior to not only spend the night but drink all your liquor, eat all your food, smoke all your tobacco, pass out in your favorite chair, and wake up late morning so they can sit around all day doing absolutely nothing but be in the way and complain because you ran out of food, liquor, and tobacco. One guy goes so far as to take the clock off the wall and disable it because the tick, tick, tick bothers him. Who cares if the owner of the house needs to see what time it is so he can get to work on time. Work? What's that? These moochers don't have to be anywhere at any time so they may as well plant their lazy asses in your living room or kitchen or spare bedroom because they don't have homes of their own. It would justify it a little if they'd do something constructive like clean up after themselves but all they seem capable of doing is dumping ashtrays in the garbage, sometimes setting the can on fire, with the occasional sound of breaking glass in the background. I was irritated when these parasites stayed after a party til 3 the next afternoon but I saw red when I came home at 6:30 the day after a party to see these leeches camped out in my place without the slightest thought of leaving. These are the same people who think it's perfectly ok to take a handful of cigarettes when they finally DO leave, as some kind of past party favor or something. I mean, when you see a guy sleeping on the sofa at 4am and see the very same guy still sleeping on this sofa at 6pm the next day and a girl walks up to you and says, "What's the matter? I just woke up." and the back yard is filled with these penniless deadbeats surrounded by empty bottles and cans and the thought never crosses anyone's mind to try cleaning up the sticky stuff all over the kitchen floor, you start getting the feeling you're being taken for granted. The kicker is these two assholes who come to visit (late night, of course) and can't seem to get up in the morning no matter how many shotgun rounds you fire under their bedroom window. I need to get to work so I leave a note that says, "Good morning. Help yourself to coffee and lock the door when you leave.", meaning drink your coffee and leave. I get back at 6:30 that night to find my door unlocked, my food eaten, and a note that says something about my alarm clock with a spent shotgun shell next to it, telling me they woke up but didn't feel like getting up. I later discovered they spent the day surfing on my computer, eating my food, and left the door unlocked so they could get back inside after going shopping. None of these people bring anything to the parties. I don't mind supplying a gallon of rum or a few cases of beer but these slugs can drain that in an hour and then drink the last of your wine collection and still mooch cigarettes because they forgot to bring their own and then they accidentally wear your favorite sunglasses home when they finally do leave.

If you happen to be one of these "friends," do me a favor and go someplace else from now on. That is, if you can afford the internet connection.