I can't say I much cared for Updike, maybe because his fascination with the middle class and my gravitation to the fringe elements of society gave me the impression he was way too boring.
Since we both share the same birthday, March 18, perhaps I should reconsider my opinions and look to the middle for fun and excitement. Yeah, right...... The middle class is just about as exciting as TV bowling.
Ya want some excitement? Get your crack pipe and get ready to be happy.
It seems the only thing keeping the whole economy from completely tanking is the illegal drug market. In October 1989, the Wall Street computers dumped millions of stocks creating a semi-perfect storm for a 1929-type depression but it never happened because of one thing... DRUGS.
See, Joe Blow goes out and buys a pound of pot and keeps a quarter pound for his own head. He then sells 3/4ths of it and the profits go to paying his rent, buying clothes, car payments, utility bills, etc. Bill Bailey buys a quarter pound from Joe, keeps an oz and sells the rest. The profits go to paying a car payment, going to the movies, some hot babes, whatever. Jim Jones buys an oz from Bill and the cycle continues with quarter bag or joint sales and meager profits that go into economic circulation buying things.
The reason is, all this drug money is untraced and IRS doesn't control it. It's a tax free cash transaction not accounted for on any books. It exists but doesn't exist. If the greedy bastards that run the economy had control of this money our economy would have tanked decades ago.
History repeats itself and our economic system is doomed if not for our extremely active drug trade. Pot has been replaced by crack and heroin and we have lots of sub-middle class people who desperately want to go on mini vacations from the crap the powers that be throw at us on a daily basis. Almost none of these people realize the positive impact they have on keeping the economy afloat and probably never will.
Just lost your job? Well, fire up that crack pipe and forget about it. Not feeling well and have no health insurance? Try some heroin. It'll all be better and each hit will benefit our ailing economy.
It works like this... Just go to a town like Reading Pa, John Updike's home town, and buy some cheap drugs in bulk and start your own business. Don't know anyone who sells drugs in bulk? Ask around, but leave the Dockers home and bring cash. Use some decorum. Don't expect to score with your gold card or a check. You know... blend.
"But I don't want to deal. I just want to get high."
Don't worry. Every town has lots of drugs for guys like you, willing to stimulate the economy. Ask around. I'll bet the bag boy at the supermarket knows where to find some good drugs. Just don't be obvious about it.
The wrong way to inquire about drugs:
"Excuse me bag boy. I'm like you, upset about our uncertain economic times and how our 401Ks are tanking. Where can a fellow get some dope around here?"
The right way to inquire about drugs:
"Hey man, I just got to town. Where does someone score a little entertainment around here?" (wink, wink)
OR you can ask one of your friends. Chances are, a lot of your very best friends have some very good connections and just don't invite you to those kind of parties because you're such a square. They'll be more than happy to help you boost the economy and take an eight hour vacation at the same time.
Just remember, the only dope worth shooting is in Washington.
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