ask your doctor

Are you suffering from unstoppable, involuntary emotions and behaviors in conjunction with the unexpected and unplanned stimulation of sexual organs when pondering a perception of self? If so, you may have Persistant Erectile Personality Disorder, or PEPD.

Or perhaps you may have Reactive Defiant Motivation Dysfunction, or RDMD, which primarily involves explosive, emotional behavior and responses compromised by the presence of extreme anger towards authority figures while losing the will to do anything meaningful.

Most likely you're afflicted with Oppositional Maladaptive Motivation Syndrome With Incontinence or OMMSWI (my favorite) which is characterized by stubborn resistance to conform to social norms exacerbated by the aberrant inability to adjust to normal responses or behaviors while losing the will to do anything meaningful, combined with an inability to control one's own bladder.

You may be interested to know, I found a disease mongering engine that could very well prove to be a rosetta stone of Political Correctness On Steroids, or PCOS, that we've all been suffering from since the pre-Raygun days.

PCOS is the condition applied to language, ideas, policies, or behavior seen as seeking to minimize offense to gender, racial, cultural, disabled, aged or other identity groups. Conversely, the term "politically incorrect" is used to refer to language or ideas that may cause offense or that are unconstrained by orthodoxy. It used to be a joke to call a housewife a Domestic Engineer, or a garbage man a Reclamation Technician. Now, it's standard-speak in our double-think culture to call, what was once called, an excitable boy one who suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD. There's a drug for that, ya know. Only it's not to cure the kid but to wang him out so parents and teachers don't go crazy. Perhaps they should have a drug for parents and teachers exposed to ADHD children. Too bad tranquilizers, scotch and cigarettes aren't politically correct for teachers and parents but amphetamines and Ritalin are the meds of choice for kids.

We've gotten so politically correct we even managed to legitimize road rage, that behavioral disorder characterized by extreme expressions of uncontrollable anger on our nations highways. It's now called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or IED, and since it's listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and was submitted to the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in their DSM-IV (the standard reference guide of psychiatric disorders), road rage has been blessed by the powers that be as a mental disorder that can be treated with drugs.

Is there nothing drugs can't cure? Maybe you can find out for yourself.

Next time you visit your doctor, tell him you have Oppositional Maladaptive Motivation Syndrome With Incontinence or Intermittent Explosive Disorder or any other selection of ridicules maladies and see if he has a pill for you.